Tag Archives: love

Teenage feelings

Do you remember the strength of your teenage feelings?

 

Do you remember the way they reverberated along your spine, one thousand volts of pure emotion strong enough to take your breath away?

 

My teenage self was convinced their intensity might split me in two. My small frame was an insubstantial casing, threatening to crack and fail at any moment. Some days I felt the buzz of electricity in my throat and in between my fingertips, and I wondered how I might remain alive.

 

My feelings were a force outside of my control, changing like the tide. I would crest on a euphoric wave and then my shipwreck heart would crash and ruin.

 

Each twenty-four hour period was either the best or worst of days. No high was ever comparable and no low was so commonplace as to be empathised with by any other person. I met the words, “I understand” with disdain. I couldn’t comprehend how anybody else might experience the same pain, excruciating as it was, or have the capacity for such strong emotions. I dragged my feelings on my back wherever I went, and I nailed myself to them.

Turning into my mother

Happy (belated) Mother’s Day to everyone who is, or has ever been, or has ever acted as, a mum. On the scale of emotions surrounding ‘turning into my mother’, I have worked through denial and am now in a tentative acceptance. She’s great. I hope I have her tenacity when I’m fifty (and her skin).

 

To mark the occasion, here’s a list of ways in which I am like my mother:

The greatest loves of my life

Last week saw another Valentine’s Day come and pass in its predictable flurry of chocolates and roses and heart-shaped miscellany. Despite my usual enthusiasm for any possible celebratory day (I went hard on the pancakes), it’s not an event for which I make a great deal of effort. A nice dinner and a fancy pudding to accompany my chosen Netflix original will do just fine, thanks. But this year, Valentine’s Day was made particularly salient by the excellent pieces on love, be it romantic or platonic or familial, which filled my feeds and inbox. I’ve adored reading so many experiences and thoughts on a topic I feel is particularly dear, especially those with a focus beyond the bounds of romance.