I’m Alexandra and I’m in my twenties, so naturally I am trying to Figure Things Out. This is where I document my attempts to navigate life, from the unmitigated fuck-ups to the occasional successes and all the peculiar little moments in between.
Somebody once told me that I have too many feelings, in much the same way that someone might criticise the owning of too many red lipsticks or pairs of tights with holes in. Like more than a clutch of feelings is somehow a shameful indulgence, or a marker of immaturity to be gently chided. I wasn’t really sure what to do with that nugget of commentary on my life. I couldn’t just donate my feelings to charity (certainly, nobody would want most of them) or put them out with the recycling. I’ve come to conclude that they’re here to stay, and unlike a collection of fancy lipsticks, I can’t show them off in a trendy acrylic storage unit. One thing I can do is write about them.
I created this space in the first instance as a bit of a receptacle for these apparently superfluous feelings. Sometimes it simply isn’t appropriate to wax lyrical about my relationship or rant about sexual harassment – I’m not sure either would be gratefully received in a meeting, liberal though my workplace claims to be – but girl got something to say. I want to talk about new beginnings and challenges and living well, and sometimes I’ll be frivolous just because. I’m trying to learn how to have more fun, you see – to choose carefully what I pour my energy into, and to take a step back sometimes to see that humour can usually be found in all but the most disastrous things.
I also started so I could force myself to take writing more seriously. For years, it has been my creative outlet and one of my true joys, but the commitment-phobe in me is afraid of, well, committing; to saying “hey, I guess I have to do this writing thing with some regularity, huh?” Looks like I just threw down the gauntlet. Let’s do this thing.